I was training for a half marathon. I was into the 5th week of The Get in Shape Girl’s 12 week bikini guide (http://beafitfox.com/2012/07/22/my-starting-stats-photos-and-the-winner-winner-chicken-dinner/). I was posting my weight (gasp!) on the internet and sharing with the world what I looked like in a bikini (good lawd!). I was packing my meals like a crazy person and providing so much motivational exclamation marks that I was even making myself roll my own eyes.
All of that changed when I found out that I miscarried, had my D & C, and got onto the road of physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery (http://beafitfox.com/2012/09/12/our-loss-my-miscarriage/). This past Friday was my 2 week follow up appointment post D & C and I got great news. For a lack of better words, my uterus is in great shape again and I can get on with physical activity. Start running again, throw around weights again, and go back to being my normal self. But I am not my normal self, I am far from it.
This morning I jumped out of bed, put on my favorite running capris/tank, laced up my shoes, ran out the door and………………………….stopped. I put my hands on my hips and I stared at the houses around my neighborhood. I paced up and down the sidewalk then turned back around and walked into my house. I made a cup of coffee, a cup of tea, and ate a small bowl of Kashi with unsweetened almond milk and a little of Omega Swirl on top.
I wish I could tell you what I was thinking, exactly what was going through my mind but I don’t even know. It just didn’t feel right. I didn’t WANT to run. What in the world???!!! I LOVE to run, I couldn’t WAIT to start running again and now I can’t even get past my driveway?
I realize that I need to give myself some time which is not good because I am extremely impatient (do I hear an uh-huh from my parents?!). I expect there to be a switch. A nice little switch that I can flip and go back to normal, just like I was, just like I am but there isn’t.
I’m still eating clean, just not enough. I need to realize that coffee is NOT a protein and that wine is NOT a fruit and that I need to stop using those as justifications.
I’ve put a plan together. A patient plan as I am calling it and I have written it out in my workout journal. This is what I wrote, exactly, in my workout journal:
“Amanda’s Patient Plan
Walk/Jog everyday. Don’t be mad if you don’t RUN. Just walk/jog every single day. Outside or on a treadmill, walk or jog.
Using free weights, do your favorite exercises every other day: squats, lunges, squat with an overhead press, bicep curls, burpees, dips, deadlifts, and flyes.
I’m giving you until Monday, October 8 to get your s**t in gear.
Come Monday, October 8 you will start running. You will start by following your half marathon guide AGAIN. Sign up for a half if you find one or don’t but you will follow the plan AGAIN.
Come Monday, October 8 you will start the GISG’s 12 week bikini guide OVER again. You will start with Day 1 Week 1. You will NOT skip the pull ups just because you’ve already done them, you WILL follow the guide exactly, AGAIN.
You will cry and it is okay. You will be mad at yourself. Be mad for 30 seconds then move on.
You will be awesome. ”
I drew a smiley face at the end and have an X with a line and that is where I signed my name. This is my contract, my commitment to myself. The reason I chose Monday, October 8 is because of my traveling. I am only home 2 weekdays between now and then and only 5 weekend days between now and then. Monday, October 8 is my first full week home in a really, REALLY long time.
You may think that signing my own contract is a bit extreme and maybe it is.
If you come to a bump in your life, if you hit a wall, if you have no stinkin’ clue what to do next, write yourself out a plan and commit to it. Good heavens, I’m not saying commit by signing with blood or giving up your first born son. Just make a new plan and make a promise to yourself.
Today, on my facebook page, I posted a quote that I found. It says “It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.” Amen to that.
Eat clean, pump some iron, and be a Fit Fox!